So. Putting this damn blog's url at my damn twitter, isn't really a good idea. Yeah. Anyways, it has been a while since my previous update. Too much to say, yet too lazy to do so.

Upon going through this new semester, I was hoping for good things to keep happen, instead of the opposite. But yeah, lucks are always not in my dictionary, I guess. It's true that the rest of the girls - my classmates, and I have grown much closer. Now that we are staying even near with each other (I mean, we are now living in the same block and the same floor) we had grown much much attached to each other than before. But. Things turned worst this passed few weeks. Too many misunderstanding. Too many false words. Too many wrong actions. Too many dramas. We fought quite frequently. We talked about others, behind their backs. We didn't confront the 'subject' of our talks. Sometimes, we do. Most of the time, we didn't.

I know that some of them dislike me, hate me, despise me. I was waiting for them to say it out loud, to talk about it, to decipher the situation and make it better. But no. None of them were making any moves. I was wondering what my wrong was, or were - if there are many of them. It's hard for me to live in this kind of way-of-socializing. I know, there's a word saying 'Cermin diri kau dulu'. Yes. But how to see myself and decide what is right or what is wrong when no one mention it? Gad. This is depressing. Upsetting. Such a bullshit.

They may be fine of being alone, without having close friends around them, because they have enough friends to accompany them. Not me, though. I cherish my friends for godsaken, really, really much. I'm not use of being lonely, being left out. Called me spoiled bitch or what ever, I am that. I need companies. I need friends. Truth be told, I didn't consider any of them there, as my closest friend, as my best friend. There is none. Yeah, I told them almost everything. But, no they are not like Tiqah, or Najwa, or Kana, or Bynah or Nia, whom I can easily just go to them and let everything out without having to care about my words chose or to lean on them without permission - because I know that they will allow me to do so. It's different when I was with them than my friends, now.

I do happy, with them. They are crazy, fun and outgoing buddies that always have ways to make me smiles, to make me laughs and claps like a retarded seals. They do make me feel love, but at the same time, make me full of questions. Are they honest to be friend with me? Are they just putting an act? Why not just saying it right on my face?

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And there's goes me typing furiously like a mad secretaries (the speed are so-so), mind clouded with questions and rubbishes. /sigh.

Let's just go to bed. Night alls. Ah. Here are some latest memories I had with my buddies, whom I love and will cherish and treasure forever. Cecet. So suwiit. Luls.