Sometimes, crushing isn't a healthy things to be done, you know? Especially when you fall for some guy who loves to bitch around with you, which unfortunately you like that about him who didn't even bother to play the 'Cool guy' role when he's around you, he just be that oh-so-charming-self-of his who knows how to make you laugh, even to smile when you are in the edge of falling apart.

I used to like many guys before in my life. And liking those guys had never made me feel like this, so relax, so comfortable. We joked around. We played with our words. Saying 'I like you', 'I miss you', 'I love you' and such. I have no idea how deep that words mean to me now. Well, apparently(entah sesuai ke tak perkataan tu) I really do liking you. I  mentioned another girls' names, paired them up with you, asking 'Kau suka dia tak?' but in the very end, I was like digging my own grave. I said it, but I'm hurt with my own words.

This evening, when Nia was over at my place I told her 'Saya prefer crushing daripada couple'. The thing is, both seem as pretty useless to me. I don't think I'm the type of girl who will be great with commitment. You know, crushing on someone, liking on someone does need commitment as well. I have to like him without liking another person. Same goes with 'couple'. You stayed in a relationship with one guy without having another relationship with other guy. Both are hard, complicated. For those who know me, they must have known that I'm liking three damn guys at the same time. See, no commitment or what-so-ever to be called there.

But when it comes to this odd person, yes he one of the three damn guys, it felt different. The very first one who I like, no, I think it is just a 'minat'. I like his height, he is friggin' tall, I tell 'ya. Also, his face? Yeah. Haha. He looks very creepy but he is handsome in his own way. The second one, the whole class member of mine wants me to be with him. I mean, they were like 'Mamat tu suka kau, kau suka dia balik. Go for it.' But yeah. We had an incident. We grew apart. I guess, the tingling feelings I used to have when he's around were not there anymore. I do, get overly excited when he text, when he approached me. However, when I think back about it, this is just temporary. He treated me quite better than any other girls. Maybe, I fell for that. But not for him. The real him. I was sorta like bored with him now? Yeah.

And this odd, weird, damn, how was he in my list? buddy of mine who I .. like, he is not them. I mean, he is like the opposite of the rest two. He was, he is an asshole, a jerk, a bullied, a sharp-tongue guy towards me. But that, got me attracted to him. I am .. confused, actually. Of what this feeling really is, of what he was trying to do with me, of how I should feel towards him. This all are sucks. They are complicated. They are such a pain in ass. I hope I could forget about all of this. These problems, these questions in my head. I probably should just stick with my delusional life with those heavenly God creatures Korean guy. At least, liking them doesn't give me too much headache. Well, still do. When I think about how many my money flow out for them. Haih. Such a bothersome T.T

Anyways, I do think I need a break from all of this. And oh, dear Nia Syuraina. Keep this in your head. No matter how hard your burden, how deep your hurts, how big your problems you are having, you got me. You HAVE me. I'm always here for you. I will forever be lending you my shoulder, my ears, my hands. So, cheer up, babe. It is hard, I know. But you will get over it one day. Allah will always be by your side. InsyaAllah. You are a tough cookie! Be yourself and deal with it like a boss :) I love you.